Friday, September 25, 2009

Order in the court!

I got back from Church in Cairo (which was awesome, thanks for asking) and settled down to write a blog post for my new LDS YSAs blog. I didn't get very far when Michael came running in and yelled, "Tom, I need your help!"
"Does this help require me putting on a shirt?"
"Uh, yeah, we're going to court."

Apparently the guy who messed with Sarah and Katie (full story here) is going to jail for seven years. Sarah and Katie felt that was too strong, so to reduce the sentence they had to go to court to say that they "forgive" him, and the sentence drops to three years. That's where we come in: translators.

We grab Sarah from the hospital, leave Katie there to recover, and head over to the court. Now this was a trip. Inside this terribly dilapidated building were several guards, all concerned about where we were going. I don't know the cause for alarm, the only things in the entire court were piles of trash (seriously, literal trash) that the police were guarding. Maybe killing the pigs of Egypt means that trash has to pile up in the courthouse, too.

So we translate (mostly Michael) and we're about to go when they realize that Sarah is in fact not Katie, but Sarah.

If that's confusing to you, try being there simultaneously translating.

They finally sort out which girl we've brought with us, and we take off. Back home, we all relax (mostly I'm doing the relaxing, after all, it's been a long day in Cairo). Sarah gets a call from Katie. Now they want Katie to go to the court to make a statement. Katie is at this time (9:30PM) recovering from her appendicitis surgery, so she hands the phone to the nurse and I tell the nurse that under no uncertain terms is Katie to be removed from the hospital. Of course the nurse can't understand my accent, especially on the phone, so I hand it to Michael and he gets the message across.

I feel like I used a lot of parentheses in this post.

I also feel like I don't have to lie to make my life sound interesting and exciting.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I wish I was joking...

...but I'm not.

I went to the hospital to see Katie today, and she related to me an interesting experience.

A male employee had been really sweet to her and Sarah the day before, and then he started taking pictures of Sarah, and then he tried to kiss her today. While she was gone running errands for Katie, the same man came in to Katie's room and took pictures of her and kissed her while she was recovering from the appendix surgery.

She called Sarah, who came back and complained to the hospital staff. Shortly thereafter, several doctors dragged the guy in and beat the tar out of him in front of Katie, you know, to reassure her. A half hour later the same guy was dragged in by the cops and the tar was then beat out of him again, and then he was hauled off to jail.

So, yeah, that just happened.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I went to the hospital, and this time it wasn't for me!!!

Ah, it feels so good to write that. I am feeling a little sick, but this hospital visit was not for me, praise be to Allah.

So. At three in the morning my roommate comes in to tell me that our downstairs neighbor, Katie, is sick. Being that it is three in the morning, I promptly fall back asleep unaware of the world.

Because Michael is a hero, he took her to the hospital with her roommate and came back several hours later. I heard that she was going to be fine, no worries, we can visit later.

So we do.

And just in the nick of time. I came in and they needed a translator something serious. Katie is from England, and doesn't speak Arabic at all. Not even studying it.

And they're going to take out her appendix.

Yes.

So I get to be the one who drops that bombshell. "Hey, you've been in Egypt for a week, you've never had an operation before, but they're taking out your appendix. It's an adventure! It's all part of the experience. I guess it's just your turn."

I have a really good bedside manner. Maybe my calling was to be a doctor.

Where I live

Michael and I have been brainstorming names for our new apartment, and today we finally settled on the winner:

The Consulate.

Bam.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Egypt's Camels

I went to talk to Jim and Tracy one day in Dahab, probably for an hour or two. Good conversation. I left, and later regretted leaving so soon, because this happened about an hour after I left:



I guess these camels just came running in from the street and jumped right into the pool. It took them quite a while to get them out of there, too.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Shout Out To Abinadi

Abinadi is my old roommate, an excellent blogger, a genius in a variety of aspects, but most importantly to me, he is one of my very best friends.

He recently posted this which I recommend reading before continuing on to my post.

So. I went to buy some bread, and I saw our doorman on the street. He is going to come tomorrow to clean our apartment since the cleaning lady seems to have found new work. We stopped and exchanged pleasantries, and he asked, "What time do you get up?" I replied that I got up early, and might be up at six or seven. He then laughed and said, "Six or seven? That's impossible, how does my coming by at ten or eleven sound?"

It sounds great, but what was your original question?

Ack.

This brings up a couple of other things. First, when we got our gym memberships, I asked how early we could come, and they assured me that we can come very early. I asked, "Maybe six in the morning?" to which they laughed and said, "That's impossible. Eleven is the earliest." We seem to have a cultural misunderstanding of "early".

And, when I went to ask our landlady why the cleaning lady didn't stop by on Friday as promised, she said, "You want stuff cleaned? You have to give me a few days notice!" Hmm, it was the landlady who told us that the cleaning lady would be by on Friday.

Sometimes I don't get what goes on here.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Hogwash

My program director is back from the States, and we had a good long talk yesterday about obeying Egyptian work visa laws and trying to find out the name of the pretty girl in the pink hijab. You know when you should know someone's name, it's past the point of asking them?

Anyway, it really was a good conversation, but in it my director told me that I've got to stop going to the hospital by myself. Apparently having a fever that requires three hours of rest for every five minutes of movement is dangerous.

To which I reply:

"Pish posh."

We finally agreed that I have to tell someone when I go. Well, I did. Last time I told Tom, the English gentleman that stayed in my apartment for a day. Nothing like keeping the people closest to you in the know, right?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Yup.

So the big question on all of your minds must be: Tom, how are you writing this blog post? Aren't you supposed to be in Cairo?

Yes, yes I am.

I went to the train station, ticket in hand, ready to go to Cairo for Church, and the train pulled up a little short of the platform. No worries, the cars are all connected, we'll just get in the fifth one and make our way to the eighth one. That's what the other 150 people thought, too. I finally got to the door and the train started to pull away. No worries, I hear someone say that it's just pulling up and it will stop.

Nope.

It rolled away.

I haven't been to Church since I went to Dahab, so what is that, five or six weeks? Does this make me technically inactive?

We lift weights...

...to a recitation of the Quran.

Why?

Because we're hardcore.

And because that's what plays in the gym.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ramadan Karim

Not going to lie, so far Ramadan has been not my favorite thing in the world.

All of my favorite restaurants (Abu Nagi's) are closed until 6PMish, and even then they don't serve all of the food that they normally serve. The medical lab was closed until 9PM. The dar is only open 'til 1PM. The doctor doesn't do nights anymore so I run out there in the afternoons now. It's hard to find a decently priced kosheri.

Also, who wants to be around people that are hungry and cigarette-deprived and thirsty while it's hot?

But.

Yesterday I was invited out to break the daily fast by Fadhila. I was at the doctor's office, he wasn't there, I'd waited a long time, and finally decided to just bag it. The Egyptian concept of being on time means showing up sometime, eh, when you feel like it. I skipped my doctor's appointment, jumped in a cab and raced home to meet up with Michael, and we then grabbed another cab to meet up with Fadhila and Youmna, and then Abdu came to pick us up and take us the thirty kilometers to his house.

It turned out to be a nine hour party, and the best meal that I've eaten since being here in Egypt. We had some very good conversation, and I love when everyone speaks the same two languages so you can mix them. I value speaking pure English and pure Portuguese after all of the Portingles that we spoke on the mission, but this was fun because Abdu is a Spanish man that's lived here for about twenty-five years. He speaks Spanish to his children and his wife Hanna speaks Arabic to them, and they all speak English. A fun mix for me.

Another fun thing: An Australian gentleman must have assumed that we were also Muslim because he started speaking negatively about Christians and very specifically about Latter-day Saints. I immediately told him I was a Latter-day Saint and helped him pull his foot out of his mouth, and then everyone questioned me a bunch, which was fun. No one gets the not drinking tea rule.

We left with Abdu Halim and Hadaya and Youmna, and were subsequently invited to their home today to break the fast. I'm excited.

Monday, September 14, 2009

A Conversation with Molly, edited

2:39 PM Mollysticks: oh and you asked about before the swim center
i went to stake auxiliary training this morning
took a little nap
and now i will be cleaning a little and studying
me: why did you go to the auxiliary training?
Mollysticks: for my lesson tomorrow and school
oh and i will be going to eat dinner with parker and lauren
i went to the relief society meeting
2:40 PM me: what is your rs calling?
Mollysticks: well im getting sustained tomorrow
me: can you tell me or no?
Mollysticks: as the president
me: haha
Mollysticks: eh, its pretty for sure
me: hahaha
Mollysticks: but not too many people know here
me: hahahahaha
Mollysticks: so just dont say anything
me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
2:41 PM you deserve it
that's what you get
it probably serves you right
and I hope you learn your lesson
Mollysticks: i think i will
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
2:42 PM I want you to know that after you're sustained I'm probably going to copy and paste this part of the chat onto my blog





Mollysticks: sometimes i think to myself and realize how not very nice you are at times


3:05 PM Mollysticks: eh
its fine
ill just go next saturday
well ill be out of town i think
me: go now
if you think you're busy now
just wait til later
Mollysticks: haha
i know!!!
me: and see how busy you'll be then
3:06 PM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mollysticks: stop laughing at me
you should support me
not laugh at me
3:07 PM me: i am supporting you
Mollysticks: by laughing?
me: no, i was just saying that, i'm really just laughing at you

Friday, September 11, 2009

Sixth in the series of The Hospital Lectures

Well, here we are again. I went to the pharmacy two days ago complaining of a fever, and they bent me over and stabbed me with a needle in the rear. That seems to be a common trend here. I didn't know that they could do that at pharmacies. You learn something new everyday. I immediately felt the fever breaking; man, those shots really work. It was a very fun trip limping back home and up the three flights of stairs. It was made even more fun by the fact that all of the little kids on my street know my name and were calling out, "Tom and Jerry! Tom and Jerry!" I blame Michael because he introduced me to one of them. Then it spread like fire.

Yesterday the drug wore off so I headed out to the hospital after languishing on my deathbed for hours. This hospital is exclusively for fever patients, and is literally named The Hospital of Fevers. I got there around 7:30PMish, and was seen pretty soon. By seen, I mean that I went for an examination where the nurse stuck something in my ear for less than a second, put her hand on my cheek, and pronounced that I had a fever while writing down a random number on my chart. That cost one Egyptian pound, or about eighteen cents. For only three more pounds they wanted me to get an analysis. Sure thing, except that because it's Ramadan the lab was closed until 9PM. Ramadan is kind of wearing on my patience, and I'm not even fasting. So I walked to another lab, and they were closed too. I came back and laid/sat/stood there for an hour and a half until the lab opened. Great, now the analysis is done, the doc prescribes me something, and I head back to the pharmacy. Now we're in business, right? Wrong. I ask the pharmacist what the pills are for, and he says for sore throat, etc., and basically lists a whole bunch of symptoms that I don't have. In the end I just downed some fever reducer and started feeling a million times better.

Who doesn't love going to the hospital?

Anyway, yesterday I was chatting with Molly and had to end it by telling her that I was too tired to type anymore, so I'm glad to be on my feet today. Good old fever reducer. The best part is that a pharmaceutical student that I know from the dorms was the one who prescribed it for me, via text message. Oh yeah.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's a small Egypt

So, I'm sick again. Feels like the same fever as last time. In an effort to not write anymore in the series of The Hospital Lectures, I think I'm going to avoid the hospital and hit up a pharmacy later.

But, in other news, it's a small Egypt. In Dahab, I went out with some Egyptians to the beach at night to chill, and when I said that I'd been to Egypt last year, one of the guys asked me if several people surrounded me and threw me up in the air at a sports celebration. I confirmed that that actually did happen, and it turns out that he was in that circle of revelers. Crazy.

Also, Mohammad Wahaba looked for my blog and found another Tom In Egypt blog. He showed me, and I thought about looking at it later. Then today Tom from England that lives in Cairo comes to stay at my apartment to sort out his visa issues here in Alex, and he's none other than than the second Tom In Egypt. Small Egypt indeed.

I'll post his blog shortly. For now I think I am going to do mindless things so that my head might stop hurting. Wish me luck!

Monday, September 7, 2009

WHAT?!!

So I just realized that the Elizabeth that's following this blog is none other than Liz Spring! And she's teaching English in Cancun! What?!!! I've been trying to convince Liz to marry me for some time now, and this looks to be the shot. Teaching English in Egypt? Hmm? I know you want to.

Also, I'm in McDonalds using their wireless because mine is getting installed tonight, and they're blasting 3OH3's Don't Trust Me right now, I don't know if I could be more happy. Unless of course if I was at a Club Office listening to this. Man I want to have a dance party SO BAD. I went dancing once here, and it was fun, but it's Egypt and it's hot. All of you are invited in the winter when it cools down, it'll be Club Office Egypt Edition. Just get your tickets now, and plan for anywhere from November to January, it'll be a three month long party. You know how we do.

So in Dahab I met Tracy and Jim, an African-American girl and a Swedish guy. They each led a diving course of mine, and they're awesome people. Anyway, we saw their landlord all the time on the street, and he could never remember Tracy's name because he just called her, "My Color" (she's black). So I'd say, "I was at Tracy's house last night" and he wouldn't understand until I said, "I was at My Color's house last night". Hilarious. Once, he said goodbye to six of us, one at a time, "Goodbye", "See you later", whatever, until he got to Tracy and just nodded and said, "Color". Awesome.

Alright, more to come, hopefully I'll have wireless tonight.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Back in Alex

I'm back!

Dahab was great, but Alexandria was calling our names, so we came back earlier than planned, ready for more adventures. So I'll be posting stuff about Dahab as I remember it, and here's what I have for now:

I love diving. Not as much as some, but enough that I started and in about three weeks went from the Open Water course (the beginner course) through the Rescue Diver course. It's hard to describe how much fun rescue diving is, but I'll try. Basically, you manhandle people in the water. I went through various scenarios where people acted unconscious or like they were drowning. The best is when someone panics at the surface. They push back their mask, spit out their regulator, and commence to go nuts. So I have to try to calm them, and if they are too panicked, I pull my dump valves so all the air leaves my jacket and I sink. Then I swim underneath them, always trying to get behind them. After that, I rise and at the last meter I fill my jacket with air from the cylinder so that I shoot to the top and over them from behind them. I then grab their inflator and try to inflate them so they'll float before they grab at me and take off my mask or knock my reg out of my mouth. One time my buddy Mido actually got on me and pushed me under and held me there (pretty realistic of a drowning person who is panicking) so I had to find my reg underwater and dump my air again, and do it all over again. So much fun. Another fun one is where someone panics and tries to shoot to the top from an unsafe depth at an unsafe speed, and you have to grab onto them and do what it takes to slow them down. I was able to grab someone's deflator and hold it down so he couldn't inflate himself to the top, and when he calmed down we started to ascend. He then panicked again and I had to koala him and just hold onto him to slow him down before I could grab his deflator again. So basically being a rescue diver is like being an underwater ninja commando. There isn't a feeling like it in the world. However, I only have 12 dives under my belt, so I still have so much to do.

Oh, right, so I get back to Alex and the price of my room jumps from $5 a day to $12 a day, which is prohibitively expensive. I went to get my bags from Liz, and she tells me about a guy named Michael who is looking for a roommate. I call, and the next thing I know, I'm spending the night in my awesome new apartment that is going to cost me only $150 per month before utilities. That's Heavenly Father taking care of my needs before I even knew I had them. I love those kind of blessings. I have hot water, a washer, and we're getting internet. No A/C. but I needed a blanket last night and had to turn off the fan, so I'm not worried about that. And Michael's pretty cool and already knows the area really well, and I'm right on the tram line to school, so no more arguing with cab drivers to get to and from school.

Alright, more to come, and hopefully soon some pictures.