It's a good thing chicks dig scars...

You may have noticed my silence on Gmail, Facebook, and various blogs lately. I've been in Siwa for a bit, as mentioned last post, and my computer is a little out of commission right now. But the last four days I've been in the hospital for a kidney operation.

Let's just say that you'd be surprised how many muscle groups use your abs, obliques, and lower back muscles. I now know just how often those are used as that's where they cut me open to get my massive kidney stone out of me.

So I went in, they put me under, and I woke up and said some unkind things for a couple of minutes to the nurses and doctors. At least, that's all I could remember. Robyn later told me that I was going insane on them for three hours, and I said this (among other things):

(Disclaimer for future employers and voters: I was under six different kinds of medications at this point. I was not responsible for my words or actions.)

Where's Robyn? Robyn, will you please kill everyone in this room for me?
Where's the real doctor? Who are you? Where's the real medicine? What are you giving me?
Robyn, will you shake these people like little children?
This is a nation of liars! They say two minutes, but they mean two hours!
(The doctor told me that it looked like the pain was going away.) No, I'm stoic man!
When does this wear off? Four hours? Great, I get to dance this dance with you again in four hours.
Robyn, tell this nurse to get away from my right side. Tell her to stand on my left. My right side is free, and I can kill her with it.
Stop laughing. You think I can't hear you, but I can. It's not funny.
Stop lying to me! Why are you lying?

There was more, but I don't remember most of it. My eyes were rolled up in the back of my head and I couldn't see anything. They finally got me under control, and the four days of hallucinations started. I remember seeing a woman at the light switch, and a few minutes later I realized that my eyes were closed, so I opened them and there wasn't a lady there at all. I also remember trying to wind my watch, but the hands kept spinning at different intervals. Then I looked in the mirror and half of my face was shaved, but I realized I was still in my bed and there wasn't a mirror and I still hadn't shaved. The hallucinations were weird, but they passed the time.

The doc came in on the fourth day and pulled a tube out of me that was collecting unsafe liquids in my body, and it was attached to a six-inch stick that had been stuck into my side. That was a rather unfortunate experience.

Anyway, I'm out, I'm going to try to fix my computer today or tomorrow so I can get back in touch with the outside world. Oh, and they tell me that I can't exercise for a month. Man.

I'll try to post some pictures when the bandages are off or when I can get an approximate size of the stone or something.

Until.